Why Not Me?
by Domon Kasshu
Summary: Quatre reflects on Noin's devotion to Zechs. Just something that came to mind watching Eps of GW and seeing Quatre's reactions to Noin...


**Why Not Me?**   
**By: Slashman**   
**(Ending Lyrics from _Chains Around My Heart_ by Richard Marx)**

"Quatre?" 

The young Gundam pilot slowly awoke to the sound of the voice. Even in his half-asleep stupor, he recognized it almost instantly. As his vision began to adjust and focus, he saw the form of Lucrecia Noin standing inside his door. He managed a slight smile at her appearance, in spite of all that had happened over the last few days. In light of it all, he was amazed that he was even able to sleep. Only a few hours ago, he and his companions had witnessed the destruction of Fortress Barge, the last of Oz's bases in space. It meant that the White Fang controlled space, and there was nothing to stop the inevitable battle between them and the Romefeller Foundation, which now had complete control of Earth. 

But, from the look on Noin's face, Quatre could tell none of that was what was truely bothering her. It had been the same pained expression that filled her beautiful face since the events of the previous day. Until then, Noin had tried so hard to remain positive. In spite of all the tragedy they had witnessed, there seemed to be so much positive energy that continued to drive her. Yet, since they had fought the White Fang, and she learned that Zechs Merquise was the new pilot of the Epyon, and commander of the White Fang, it had crushed her. 

Noin still thought of him as Zechs, even if he was calling himself Milliardo Peacecraft again. She had pleaded with him to explain himself, using that name. Even with Noin near tears, Merquise refused to waver. When he had learned about it, Quatre couldn't help but wish he had the Wing Zero in his possession once again, so that he could fight the Epyon and have a chance of coming out victorious. 

"Miss Noin...?" Quatre finally answered. 

"I'm sorry... I shouldn't be disturbing you..." she began, and turned away. 

"No... don't go..." the young man called out, and sat up. "I... couldn't sleep anyway." he lied. 

Noin turned back towards him. "You either?" 

Quatre nodded. "It seems like every time things start to improve, it gets even worse." 

"With the White Fang in control of space, it's only a matter of time before their battle with the Earth itself begins..." 

"But that's not all that's bothering you, is it?" Quatre said the words before he could even think enough to stop him. Noin looked suprised for a moment, then looked down to the ground. 

"It's that obvious, is it?" 

"I don't know about the others," Quatre replied, "But I know that the choices Zechs have made are confusing and hurting you." 

"It... doesn't seem like him, Quatre. Doesn't seem like him at all."   
Quatre bit his lip, trying to calm his anger. He had never liked the attitude or ideals of Merquise, and now hated him even more for his treatment of Noin. But, he knew that in spite of all that, Noin did have feelings for him. Slowly, he thought about how to answer. 

"It... might be the Epyon. It sounds as though Treize put the Zero System into it. It warps the mind of the pilot, and makes them do things they wouldn't normally do..." Quatre shuddered as he recalled what the Zero System had forced him to do. He shook his head, trying to force the images from his mind. "Something about the Epyon... it gave me the creeps." 

"It came from Master Treize, so I thought it was meant to help us... and how did Zechs get it in the first place?" 

"I don't know..." Quatre began, but stopped as he looked up at Noin again. A single tear was running down the side of her face. He took in a deep breath, and stood up and walked to her. Hesitantly at first, he reached his hand towards her, and wiped the tear from the side of her face. She turned to look at him, slightly suprised. 

"You don't deserve to be made to cry, Miss Noin," he said in a low voice. "Of all the people I know, you deserve the most to be happy. You have given so much of yourself to others..." 

"I'm a soldier, Quatre... I... I shouldn't..." 

"You're also human," he replied simply. "If you ignore your emotions completely, you're becoming what the Zero System wants to make its pilots into. If you just look at data and targets, and forget about the people you're fighting for... you become no better than a Mobile Doll." 

Noin sighed. "But if I let my emotions get in the way, it might cost us a battle..." 

Quatre took in another deep breath, and hoped Noin didn't notice. "You... you love Zechs, don't you?" 

Noin was silent for a moment, as she thought about the question. "I... I haven't been able to stop thinking about him, since we were last seperated... and I can't bear the thought of fighting against him... even when I was at Victoria Base, and he was on the battlefields... I constantly thought of him... but I... I sometimes even wonder if he knows..." 

"How could anyone who you loved be ignorant to such a blessing?" 

That was what Quatre wanted to say. He had never met anyone like Noin, with such a kind heart and selfless devotion to her cause. While Quatre had made many allies and even friends, it still felt like something was missing. The Maganacs, Relena, Duo, Heero, and even his best friend, Trowa... none of them were able to fill the mysterious void he felt in his heart. Quatre had never really known what love was, in a real sense. While his father did care for him, he was too busy taking care of Winner family business to spend much time with his son. And Quatre didn't even know all of his sisters. 

When he had met Noin, and gotten to know her, it stirred feelings within him that he had never known before. He had deep compassion for family and all of his allies and friends, but nothing felt quite the same as when he was near Noin. When they were in battle together, he felt an even greater twinge of panic when she was in danger than he felt for even his fellow Gundam pilots. And now, he had to admit, the anger he felt towards Merquise was greater than it should have been. He felt protective of her... 

"He's probably so wrapped up in fighting, he hasn't been able to notice." 

The answer he really spoke was half hearted, and Quatre wondered if Noin would be able to pick up on his lack of enthusiasm about it. She didn't though, as she just keep looking towards the ground. 

"If it comes down to it, Quatre... what if I have to fight him to the end? Or you... or Heero... what if the path he's chosen forces us to... to..." 

"I... won't let it come to that, if I can help it..." 

"What the hell are you thinking, Quatre?" the young man cursed to himself. "If Merquise does fall in combat... maybe then... no, that isn't right. Maybe Merquise does deserve to die... but Miss Noin doesn't deserve that kind of pain... she doesn't deserve to hurt anymore..." 

"Maybe... maybe we can show Zechs the error of his ways, somehow... show him that he shouldn't fight the Earth..." 

"If there is a way to do that, I can't think of it..." 

"We'll think of something, I'm sure," Quatre replied, while his mind screaming at him to say something else... anything else. "After you've been through so much... I can't imagine that you would be made to suffer anymore... You deserve to be happy, Miss Noin. And if that means reuniting you with Zechs, I'll do everything in my power to make sure that happens." 

Noin paused. "You... you don't think I'm foolish for the way I feel, do you?" 

It took all of Quatre's restraint to not answer the question the way he wanted to. 

"You can't control your heart, Miss Noin. Sometimes we feel things we can't explain... all we can do is follow our hearts, even if logic says we shouldn't." 

Noin finally allowed herself a slight smile. "You're right... thank you for listening to me rant, Quatre." 

Quatre allowed himself a smile as well. "It's what I'm here for." 

Noin rewarded the joke with a slight laugh... quite a feat, given what they had all been through. "I should probably let you get back to sleep... I'm sure we have another long day ahead of us." 

"No doubt." 

Noin turned to leave, but then glanced back at Quatre. "You're a wonderful young man, Quatre... some day, you're going to make some girl very happy." 

Quatre blushed a little at the compliment. "Th... thank you." 

"Good night." 

"Night..." he said, and watched as Noin left his room. With her gone, Quatre turned back towards his bed. With her last words echoing in his mind, a tear ran down the side of his face. 

"Maybe I will make some girl happy someday...but why couldn't that girl be you, Miss Noin..." 

Quatre shook his head, and returned to his bed. But sleep was avoiding him, as one question kept turning through his mind. 

"Why Merquise..." 

"Why not me?"   


  


_Don't ask me why_   
__ Why I've lived with this all alone   
__ Locked up inside   
__ And it's cutting me to the bone   
__ Love is a stranger avoiding me   
__ Beware of danger's the only sign I see... 

_ Girl, you've got to break these chains around my heart_   
_ Cause I've been lonely too long_   
_ You've got to break these chains around my heart_   
_ So I can finally get on with my life._


End file.
